On How Far Is Too Far

So, a company called Avegant will release what they are terming a face-mounted “personal theater.”

It looks like this:

…seriously?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Obviously, no one is going to use this thing in public, right? The visor bit, which goes in front of your eyes and tells the rest of the world you really don’t have time for their shit, does fold up like so:

…which is just slightly more douchey than Beats headphones.

This is, obviously, for when you want to say “Screw off, but I still want to be able to see the actual world around me.”

How is this a thing? Who is sitting around, wishing they could sit on a bus and watch a movie from their phone in this manner?

Other than this guy, I mean. Duh.

Other than this guy, I mean. Duh.

More importantly, how far away from the needs and desires of the general public can technology get? The sales figures for the Samsung Galaxy Gear smartwatch were “disappointing,” according to industry experts. No shit. No one wants a watch that works like a phone that requires you to be carrying a phone to use it. It’s pure and simple technological marketing whoresmanship. Silicon Valley and people who are legitimately excited about Google Glass and other “wearable tech” are operating on another plane of understanding with stuff like this. If I could replace my iPhone with an iWatch? Yeah, sure, I’d be excited, because it’s smaller, lighter, and I don’t have to constantly worry about dropping it.

However, once you have people using the Galaxy Gear (and required Galaxy Note phablet) doing something like this (skip ahead to 0:48):

That’s when you’ve crossed a different kind of Uncanny Valley, folks.

Look, we all want cool new toys. I’m no exception, though I am a grown adult and have way more important things to spend money on. I get it. But you’d think these people with more brains and fundraising acumen than sense would realize John Q. Public doesn’t want this stuff.

The people buying Beats? Kids, hipsters, and techies. A niche market, disguised by the fact the product’s sales price is so high. The people buying Google Glass? Techies (right now), because they aren’t even really available to the general public yet, because they’re ridiculous.

This thing, the “personal theater”? Get outta town, man. I love Geordi as much as the next Trekkie, but I always wanted to be Worf.

Information and photos from TechCrunch were used in this article.

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