The Most Important Infographic, Ever.

(Editor’s Note: This article contains sexual material and images and may not be suitable for young children, the elderly, or anyone who watches Fox News)

[Feature photo courtesy of Lexi Belle]

So I’m sitting here, perusing Twitter for news as I am wont to do, when I come across this gem:

Yes, that’s right, a fantastic article and infographic based on a research paper of porn stars. Before you get all Puritanical, let me fill your eyes with some knowledge magic. I watch porn. You probably watch porn. 40 million Americans watch porn annually, spending more than $3,000 per second on T&A. (And that’s just the pay sites. It’s 2013; if you’re still paying for online smut, you’re doing something wrong.)

Ladies and gentlemen, 13% of this country.

Porn is a big thing, a big moneymaker, and isn’t going away. In fact, some say it’s even becoming more socially acceptable to both participate in and consume the filmed horizontal tango.

Armed with this knowledge magic, Millward’s research becomes more intriguing. Ask any schlo on the street what he (or she) figures the average “adult” film star looks like, and he (or she) will likely describe something like this:

Jenna Jameson, circa 2005, before she became more doll than human.

Blonde, giant (fake) breasts, stripper chíc fashion sense, and so on. However, Millward’s (exhaustive, and frankly heroic) research through the Internet Adult Film Database shows the average performer to be something more approachable.

Sasha Grey, the “girl next door” of women who take it in the butt.

Small breasts, dark hair, and seemingly someone you’d run into at the local coffee shack’s open mic night.

So what does this tell us about porn? Most importantly, the 80s are over. Fake breasts and blondes are no longer the fapping man’s cup of tea. He wants someone he can more easily fantasize about meeting on the street and convincing her to come by his shoddy studio apartment to “give her some poetry help” or “build her modeling portfolio.”

Porn logic: Surpassing reality logic since 1974.

The research also illustrates female stars are spending fewer years actively getting boned on film than they did 30 years ago, expanding their “skillset” earlier in their careers in compensation, and starring in fewer films overall. While the Internet surely has something to add to this trend, the ability for adult stars to cross into “mainstream” jobs is more and more prevalent. Sasha Grey, for example, starred in a Steven Soderbergh movie. Granted, she played a high-class hooker, which isn’t much of a stretch.

She wasn’t nominated for a Razzie, either, which speaks to the quality of her “fake” on-screen whoring.

The rest of the research is intriguing, yes, but the underlying sociological implications are clear: as a society, America is becoming more tolerant of smut, skanks, skin and sorority sodomizing, because it’s not 1653 anymore and we’re not Puritans.

This was the only image for “Thanksgiving porn” I could post, honest.

I say we give the researcher credit for spending six months researching and compiling photos for the study, and convincing someone to give him grant money for it. That, my friends, is called living the dream. I just wrote 500 words on it for free, and I feel like a man released from 40 years on Alcatraz.

So what do you think? Are you surprised the girl next door, as opposed to Barbie, is the stereotypical porn star in 2013? Do you count yourself among the millions who fap to pixilated coupling? Does the thought of cinematographied coitus disgust you?

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