Yes, Facebook Can Now Be F*ckbook!

The day you’ve all been waiting for has arrived:

Bang With Friends, a new Facebook app, promises users casual, drama-free hookups with their friends…free of charge. The idea is simple: You choose from a list of gender-appropriate Facebook friends you’d like to bang. They’re none the wiser until a) they install the app and b) they say they want to bang you. So, there’s no fear that the friend-zone girl you’ve been crushing on for 15 years will ever know you’ve been lusting after her in your loneliest moments unless she, too, has moistened her underthings at the thought of you two awkwardly groping at each other in the dark like marmots. Another benefit is the app doesn’t post anything about you to anyone, and no one will know you’re a user unless they, too, are a user and choose you as a bang buddy.

Couldn’t be easier, right? No worries about awkward conversations, the “getting to know you” crap, or the awkward rejection that all Internet users face. Created by three guys in California (who are as of now anonymous), the app’s exploded since its release to over 30,000 individual unique users. While the idea of using Facebook to engender casual hookups has been around since the site’s inception (with the original being a Hot or Not clone of choosing other people’s bangability), the real news about Bang With Friends is its gender-neutral, welcoming and positive marketing style.

Nothing says “we appreciate the rights of women and gender equality” quite like a condom-based FAQ, right?

Yes, that’s sarcasm. Yes, it’s not “we love everyone equally.” It was created by three horny dudes who want to bang the chicks on their Facebook profiles. Bro-tastic!

The license to be stupid is why we have Bros in the first place. – Barney Stinson, The Bro Code (Article 2)

I can only believe the progenitors of this system are popped-collar, white, privileged douchemasters who drive souped-up Honda Civics and can recite every single chapter of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell while knee-deep in Jell-O shots.

Yup. Exactly like this.

No, I won’t be using this app, because I have a girlfriend and I’m not a moron; plus, one has to think pragmatically. The number of women I’m friends with on Facebook I’d bang if the option existed is miniscule. It’s not like I have a bunch of sorority girl friends who are, in fact, complete idiots. I used to, mind you, but I’m older now and I have better things to do with my time.

College. Like a boss.

Thankfully, the app’s designed to automatically filter out those friends you’ve told Facebook are family, so you won’t be using BWF late at night, drunk on PBR, and come upon a picture of your sister. Of course, if that’s your thing…you can figure it out.

Also of note, at launch the app didn’t include options for gay or lesbian or bisexual users, because (again) the asshats who created it would “totally not be down with a fag or dyke, like totes gay.” However, this has been remedied after a large public outcry to allow for multi-gendered bang hunting. According to the creators, more than 10,000 herpes-laced hookups have already resulted from their product all across America, and they can only hope for more in the future.

Apps like BWF (and its European counterpart, Would Love 2) are just two ways Facebook is now more open to being used as a dating/hookup site, along with Facebook’s own new feature, Graph Search.

So, will you give it a whirl? Does the idea of banging your Facebook friends, without social stigma, excite or disgust you?



One response to “Yes, Facebook Can Now Be F*ckbook!

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