The “C” word

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(Editor’s note: Hahahahahahahahahaha, gotcha!)

Girls like porn.

“No we don’t! Porn is icky and gross and weird!”

Sorry, inner-other-person-who thinks-I’m-ridiculous. Its true. Girls like porn, but girl porn is very different from what you usually find on Pornhub, xnxx or xhamster or any of the other free* sites out there on the interwebs. (I highly recommend Pornhub, btw.) Girl porn is as much about relationships between characters as it is the actual sex. It’s usually consumed in book form, with a half-naked man embracing a long-haired chickie in a long dress with a slit up the side on the cover.

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These are just a few of the pictures I was able to find. Google search “romance novel covers” and look under images. They’re all basically the same picture.

As a longtime consumer and, I confess, a connoisseur, of erotica, I gave the Fifty Shades of Grey series a shot.

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It wasn’t bad for the author’s purported first attempt at writing; good story, characters you could come to care about, interesting sex. That last part is really the key to why this series has been getting so much press, aside from the astounding popularity it enjoys. Libraries have been refusing to stock these books on the grounds that a) they “don’t have that kind of thing in this library,” b) they’re poorly written, or c) they don’t want to expose young readers to that sort of thing.

A) “We don’t offer those kinds of books in this library.”

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She is judging you.

I call bullshit. Growing up in a small town, a small town with no bookstore, the library was the only place I could get erotica. I would be willing to bet my weight in chocolate cake that if you go and search the online catalog of those libraries that claim not to carry erotica, you’ll find books by Danielle Steele, Laurell K. Hamilton, Norah Roberts, Anne Rice and Sherrilyn Kenyon in the selection. Guess what those books are! Erotica. Oh, they’re called something else, usually fiction or thriller or romance, but they’re all about the sex. Durrrrty, durrrty sex. The Fifty Shades series isn’t any worse than those. Hell, its pretty tame compared to some of the other books. It’s just honest about what it is. It’s girl porn.

B) “They’re badly written.

Umm, have those people read the Twilight series? If you allow your library to carry ten copies of each book in the series to keep up with demand, you have no reason to not stock the Fifty Shades series. They’re on the same level.

“Thats mean.”

Shut up, inner-other-person-who-thinks-I’m-ridiculous. They are. I’m sorry, but they’re just not amazingly written.

C) “They’re just… too much. We don’t want to expose anyone to… such things.”

The Fifty Shades books are purported to have a BDSM style of sex, which is why many people are, pardon the phrase, turned off by them. First of all, they don’t. They have spanking, bondage, domination/submission, and butt-play. That’s it. Its kinky, to be sure, but it just doesn’t quite cross the line into BDSM territory. So right off the bat, these people don’t really know what they’re talking about. Secondly, so what?

“What do you mean, ‘so what’?”

I’ll be happy to explain, inner-other-person-who-thinks-I’m-ridiculous. I’m going to have to give you a name, I suppose. Is there something wrong with BDSM? Many people would right away say “yes, there is something very wrong about that!” Of course they would. But, hey, they way you’re wired is the way you’re wired.

Get it? Wired? *snicker*

Ok, so some people would not like being hog-tied and whipped. Hell, most people would not like being hog-tied and whipped. But then again, some people would. Some people would like that a lot. Here is what really gets me mad about this whole issue. Libraries should not be instruments of censorship. They shouldn’t be censoring books, and they definitely should not be censoring sex. By refusing to stock these books because of their content, libraries are saying “This is WRONG and people who enjoy such things are BAD PEOPLE!” That is the message they are sending, and I for one am not happy about it. Its like banning cookbooks for Korean food because you think its disgusting, or not allowing books about spiders to be on the shelves because you’re scared of them.

Think about it.

And now, here’s a little something to end the night with…

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You’re welcome.

Editor’s note: Some libraries are listening to their customers, as you can see here. Also, Florida is also home to the zombie apocalypse, so what did you expect?

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