Good morning, afternoon, evening, or weird part of the day between “just woke up” and “don’t yet have the cognitive capacity to comprehend the concept of time and space, relative to my physical location on the planet, the whims of the stars and planets, or the cyclical nature of the universe.”
Welcome to Three Yards.
We here at Three Yards are a simple folk, who would like nothing more than to entertain, educate, endear and even elucidate our readers and viewers on topics ranging from professional and college sports, technology and social media to pop culture and society. Think of us as a combination of your favorite bits of Cracked (with 64% fewer lists), TechCrunch (without all the crap you don’t care about because you know nothing about economics, and you think Twitter is the best thing to happen to human society since sustainable agriculture), ESPN (without all that stuff about cricket and soccer), and even such video “Internet stars” as Jenna Marbles and Philip DiFranco.
With that bit of snarky, yet hopefully compelling argument over, here’s the pitch:
Do you think you have something to say? Are you competent enough with a keyboard to put your thoughts into understandable English? Do women (or men, we don’t judge) routinely laugh at your witty criticisms of the world around you? Are you a hot girl?
If so, you could become a writer for our site. On the ground floor. THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES! We don’t enter into CapsVille lightly, friends, but this concept is of the utmost importance. I’m sure the guy working the sound booth when Rebecca Black recorded “Friday” was disgusted and went home and cried himself to sleep that night:
And why shouldn’t he? But you’d better be damned sure, some 100 million views later, that he uses that as a pickup like, albeit subtly. “Hey, did you know I worked sound for one of the most popular Internet videos of all time?” “Which one?”
“The one with the talking orange.”
Basically, what we’re saying is when Three Yards becomes ubiquitous for sharp, edgy writing and video production, you want your name on it. Even if you don’t want to write, or put your goofy-ass face on the Web, become a constant commenter! We’ll give you a special little gold star and everything, like all those other sites do. When was the last time you got a gold star, loser? Let us know what you want to see, and we’ll do our best to make it happen. If it’s not up to your expectations, too bad, because we’re the Internet writers, not you.
With that, welcome to Three Yards. You just got smarter.